What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
