Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
