i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
