One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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