omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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