A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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