Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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