she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
