she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
it's like heaven, but drunker
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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