oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
