Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
