I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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