come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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