Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
All the doctor said was why
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
