Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
