Im at strip club and am horny
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
