Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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