I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
