My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
