I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize