and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
