Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
