Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
