"it" just moved
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
