remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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