Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just want to make out with him forever
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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