is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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