respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
