Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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