i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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