3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
