She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
