have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
then he tried to convert me to islam
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
