"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
