we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
