why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
