I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If I die, sorry about rent.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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