worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
