I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
