tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Randomize
