It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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