Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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