i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
