I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
