you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
