i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
