Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
