Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
