wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize