apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
