There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
