there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
