Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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