He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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