I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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