I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize