the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
