i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
