He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
