You're earring is so big in my mouth
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
