bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
