I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
