Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
