Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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