He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
