I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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