I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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