It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
