Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
