i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
