My nipple is on Facebook.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize