I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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