Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
