Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
