Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
