i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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