I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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