i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
