Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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